Moonit was on fire at TechCrunch in SF this past week, running relationship assessments for everybody's significant others, husbands, wives, crushes, exes, doormen, roommates, mother-in-laws, college buddies, and business partners on the DemoPit floor of TechCrunch50 2009. One thing we didn't realize was just how rewarding it would be to see our users' responses, which ranged from complete shock and disbelief to sheer joy and laughter… It's nice when you get the chance to put a smile on someone's face on such a hectic day for everyone. And one of these people was Troy, the (at first glance) imposing security guard in charge of monitoring all the comings-and-goings at TechCrunch.

At one point, Moonit was illegally hanging out in the press area doing a phone interview with a VIP blogger, and we couldn't afford to get uprooted during the call. When Troy got on Moonit's case about being in there, repeatedly asking us to leave or he'd "lose his job," Moonit cut a deal with him: we'd figure out his crazy love life in exchange for hanging out in the press area.

Troy gave us info on not one but four ladies he's juggling right now! Turns out Troy is 46 and "doesn't have any more time to do any training on the job" when it comes to these women. So here's the breakdown:

• The first one, his "baby's momma," is a fine looking Native American born 7/11/1975 who scored an "82%, Domestic Bliss But Don't Let It Bore You to Tears" for romance and a 45% for friendship (a good gauge for long-term companionship).  This made perfect sense to Troy, who said she's amazing but he has a law degree and has issues staying with her because "she isn't as interested in advancing herself" as he is
• The second one is a very attractive white woman born 10/10/62 who has been in his life for the long haul, letting him crash at her place no matter what. Low and behold, this one scored highest "88%, Call the PDA Police" for romance and a 96% for friendship
• The third one is a woman from Belize born 11/13/69 who he's curious about right now but Troy says it's too good to be true, adding "she's lying in wait to pounce." Well she came up as an "80%, Is That a Magnet In Your Pants" for romance but only a 19% for friendship with the title "On Life Support"
• The final one is a "drop-dead gorgeous Philippino woman" born 4/22/78 who Troy is hot and heavy with right now. And Moonit delivered on that "85%, Giving Fabio a Run For His Money" with a "56%; Habla Ingles?" reading for friendship.

Looks like Troy has a high-priced problem on his hands with all these beautiful and very compatible women. After getting his Moonit assessments, Troy decided to throw in the towel on the first one, keep the second one in his life long-term, keep a watchful eye on the third one and have a little bit more fun with the last one. And he's now officially a Moonit user for life; check out the end of our convo with him on our Facebook fan page "Troy Hearts Moonit" and become a fan yourself!

So this particular tragedy has scared some mothers sober, or at least made certain moms rethink the habit of drinking on duty. One of these moms is funny writer Stephanie Wilder-Taylor. This is a big deal since she happens to be the author of such tongue-in-cheek books as "Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay" and "Nap Time is the New Happy Hour" and blog column "Make Mine a Double: Tales of Twins and Tequila." But there's a big difference between kicking back with a glass or two in the comfort of your own home and car-pooling drunk. 

So are drinking problems prevalent among moms? And, if so, which moms are more inclined to drink these days? According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, educated women are more likely to drink than less-educated ones, and working mothers are more likely than stay-at-home ones. This isn't a major revelation: there's no doubt that the pressures of child rearing can get to mothers and that alcohol is abused as a stress reliever, especially when juggling work and family life. Although many women would probably say that their husbands are driving them to drink, it seems married women are less likely to booze it up than single moms. So if you're a single, working mother, you've obviously got your hands full. The bottom line is that we're all about strengthening relationships here and reaching out to those around you–your parents, siblings, best friends and significant others–if and when you need help.

But this same tool that has garnered us such a huge ROI on our recruiting efforts also seems to attract the biggest misfits and weirdos known to man. A seemingly innocuous walk down the classifieds list for all of us unemployed, semi-employed and i-need-more-money-to-keep-living-in-nycers has us stumbling upon the naughtiest of gigs (britney spears look-alike wanted, dancers and swimsuit FEMALE models wanted, seeking ASIAN females for visual art performance, lingerie and foot model needed, sexy contestants wanted, attractive event girls for $$, GLBT chefs/cooks wanted for events) to suit even the most eccentric of tastes.

Aside from such fetishists and social misfits, it seems craigslist also attracts the occasional murderer, serving as an easy preying ground for these animals. Many in the NYC area can recall the march horror story of a craigslist hustler who murdered a local NYC newsman looking for a shall we say "violent" physical encounter-the murderer replied to the newsman's ad by writing "I can smother somebody for $60"! and now this serially psychotic med student with a raging gambling addiction who murders woman advertising casual encounters. Virtual communities and social networking tools in general, including Twitter, have the danger of becoming complete and utter cesspools. So to what extent are they responsible for screening people who place classified ads?

Craigslist seems to have done a masterful job of dancing the line between legal encounters and intimate encounters, aka prostitution (which is, last time we checked, illegal in the US), up until now. So if prostitution were legal here, would this do a better job of regulating these meet-ups so that the people involved are screened before being able to participate? There are some who will argue that the entire WWW is an "enter at your own risk" experience, and it's up to everyone to do their homework, especially those seeking out elicit activities. But moonit sees that as a cop-out.

Why not help people who can't help themselves? Although Moonit can't keep all the freakshows out there at bay, it can help you better screen people you're dealing with so that you can try to surround yourself with roommates, bandmates, penpals, dogwalkers, potential employers and the like who stand to make a positive contribution to your life. We can't help you as much if you're dumb enough to answer an ad for sensual massages. Our offering requires a modicum of common sense and an IQ of at least 60, so that rules some people out of our target market.

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So he's (understandably) feeling frustrated by recent White House invitation snubs, getting beaten to the punch by Gordon Brown and missing a prime photo op at the G20 Summit, stolen by Berlusconi and Medvedev. As for the Presidents' wives, Michelle and Carla's interactions did not amount to any sort of a catfight or fashionista face-off, much to the dismay of ogling paparazzi.

So what's going on behind the scenes in both of these marriages?  And what potential does Barack have to forge a lasting relationship with the center-right French president? These are the sorts of questions that Moonit seeks to get to the bottom of. Moonit ventured beyond the double-sided kisses and dug up the foursome's birth data as a starting point for our romantic and professional relationship analysis:

• Michelle Obama: January 17, 1964 at time unknown (we're assuming 12 noon) in Chicago Illinois
• Carla Bruni-Sarkozy: December 23, 1967 at 6:10pm in Turin, Italy 
• Nicolas Sarkozy: January 28, 1955 at 10pm in Paris, France
• Barack Obama: August 4, 1961 at 7:24pm in Honolulu, Hawaii

Believe it or not, Barack and Nicolas are an ideal combination for a close relationship–they've apparently got a lot in common, communicating well together without feeling threatened or hurting each other's feelings.  Barack has the drive necessary for joint projects, while Nicolas can offer his know-how and planning capabilities. Nicolas is the more intuitive of the two while Barack will rely on his intellect. Since Nicolas is more of a risk taker, he can sometimes feel constrained by Barack, who errs on the side of discretion and feels a slow but sure approach is a sign of success.

Overall, it's likely Barack is the more dominant person in the relationship, but he stands to receive emotional support from Nicolas that helps him achieve his professional goals. If these two were to interact over time, however, Nicolas is in danger of growing needy, feeling like he can no longer rely on Barack, and Barack can then become distant and withdrawn towards him. Thankfully, it seems the two will remain cordial and supportive of one another, but no long-term bromance is in the works, so you won't see Barack riding bikes around France with Nicolas like Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConnoughy any time soon.

When taking a look at Barack and Michelle's charts, you can definitely see how they ended up together. There's not only a lot of romance and intimacy going on there, but also positive signs for community involvement, interacting on a professional level and family life. But anyone could probably guess that stuff. What many of you might not know is that tensions can also flare between the two of them, with Michelle communicating on an intuitive or feeling-based level while Barack is generally the more rational thinker of the two. The result is a relationship with a lot of intense passion but the occasional emotional spats (seems like quite a good trade-off if you ask us).

Nicolas and Carla's whirlwind romance is the epitomy of opposites attracting, where sparks probably flew the instant they met at a fated dinner party… they're able to fill deep voids within each other and broaden one another's horizons with exciting new experiences. After that initial infatuation and fascination wanes, though, friction starts to creep in, and what was once attractive (maybe Carla's bohemian ballads and swimsuit model bod?) starts to seem pretty darn irritating  (maybe Carla's pretentious lyrics and nude photos of her appearing left and right?).

Nicolas may eventually have a hard time understanding Carla's emotional nature, feeling impatient and frustrated by the limitations she imposes. Carla may in turn feel overwhelmed by his personality, letting her insecurities get the best of her.  But chances are that the two are willing to persist through troubled times, having the maturity at this point in their lives to realize the rewards of the relationship they are building together are great. Since Carla herself has been quoted as saying that "love lasts a long time, but burning desire—two to three weeks," I'm sure she is all too aware that it takes work after the honeymoon is over.

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The show is also helping to spawn new words in the English language like “Bromantic.” Please give me a few minutes as I need to strangle myself with a show lace. Look, I am not one to judge what passes for entertainment these days. I have spent valuable personal time watching the likes of American Idol, Rock of Love with Brett Michaels, and on a really slow day, Miami Vice re-runs. But Bromance was my breaking point. I am done. If you are reading this Time Warner Cable, you can cancel my service, take my TV, as I won’t be needing it. Although you might be saying to yourselves, I should just watch what I want to watch, and not get sucked by those around me into the reality show frenzy.

The truth is, my girlfriend is quite strategic about getting me sucked into such shows, giving me just enough back story to get me interested. But that’s where the problem lies. While I find the existence of such shows frightening, I am more scared that I will get caught stumbling upon Bromance in a moment of channel-changing weakness and actually enjoy it. I would have to kick my own ass. So for the sake of my self-worth, I am blacklisting Bromance and banishing first-runs and repeats from our Tivo list. After all, I am still getting over the emotional scarring and trauma that Gossip Girl has inflicted on me over the last few months. I need a little more time before digging into the trials and tribulations of a meaningless never-been on his quest for a new BFF. I hope you understand.

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In TO's last three stops (San Fran, Philly and, most recently, Dallas) the exact same story played out in a dramatic and, ultimately chaotic, fashion. In each case, TO produced impressive statistics, was initially welcomed by the fans, and was eventually run out of town in a wave of acrimony and aggravation. Part of the issue always seemed to be TO's relationship (or lack thereof) with his quarterbacks and the requisite attention the quarterback would receive as the team’s leader. In San Francisco, TO criticized his quarterback’s arm strength and questioned his sexuality. Clearly, he was ignoring said quarterback’s nuptials to a Penthouse Pet. In Philly, TO blamed his quarterback’s lack of stamina in the team’s previous Super Bowl loss and proceeded to alienate him from the coaching staff and players. During his latest stint in Dallas, TO was unhappy with his role in the offense (a normal complaint from him). He felt a true conspiracy was at play whereby the quarterback would overlook TO on the offense for the tight end, who (not coincidentally in TO's eyes) was also the quarterback’s friend and roommate.

So, let’s do the math here: we’ve got three different teams and three different scenarios, but the result is always the same—TO is jettisoned from the team, regardless of how productive a player he may be. This begs the question, what possesses TO to be such a “me first” player in a “team first” sport? And what drives him to create such animosity and disruption when he is handsomely paid to play a little boy’s sport? If we look at TO’s chart, we start to see the foundation of someone capable of destroying any goodwill he initially engenders, regardless of what city or team he plays for. A Sag born on December 7, 1973, TO has a lot of potentially positive qualities: he can be enthusiastic, independent, outgoing, spontaneous, expansive and generous. But these can be overcome by negative traits characteristic of those born on his birth date: arrogance, dogmatism, excessiveness, fanaticism, flamboyance, ostentatiousness and recklessness.

In short, TO is someone who requires both constant praise and adulation, someone who needs to feel accepted by the group dynamic for his positive qualities to outweigh the negative traits. If the people around him do not unconditionally accept and praise him, he will attack the very foundation that was responsible for his initial success. This is someone who ultimately is scared of failure…scared of taking responsibility for an unsuccessful team or season. The collective failures of his teams always involve a quarterback who needs to have a slightly stronger arm, an offensive game plan that should feature him more, and most importantly, team chemistry that closely resembles something from Lord of the Flies than an NFL locker room.

Although nobody expects T.O. to learn from his most recent drama in Dallas, we at Moonit think he could gain a little bit of insight into some of his personality quirks, as well as which quarterbacks or coaches he is most likely to get along with on and off the field. As soon as we hear where he's going, Moonit will be getting back to you with our predictions on player-coach and player-quarterback chemistry.

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Directed by John Hamburg (Along Came Polly,” co-writer of “Meet The Parents,” “Meet The Fockers,” “Zoolander”), the movie features an awesome, ridic funny line-up of characters: Jason Segel ("Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and "Knocked Up"), Andy Samberg (SNL and my personal fave "G-zz In My Pants" SNL video short fame) and Rashida Jones ("The Office").   

Long story short, Mr Rudd is getting married and, realizing he is low on the bro-o-meter, sets off on a series of "man dates" to find his best man. He instantly bonds with Jason Segel, who quickly becomes his new bff.  Although this is a bromantic comedy, Moonit feels the movie has brought a real issue to the forefront: how do straight male adults forge friendships with each other without things getting awkward or misunderstood?

We're seeing a whole other category besides romantic, platonic and professional applications for Moonit's compatibility tool: the bromantic relationship calculator. We encourage all you guys out there to put our screen to the test when you get that Facebook or LinkedIn invite or make new contacts at those networking events.  We'll help you focus on those guys that are inclined to be the ideal roommate, business partner or friend (read: those guys less likely to walk around the apartment butt naked, bring down your firm for insider trading or steal your girlfriend).

Turns out I didn't know until now that she is quite the life-long closet astrology follower, consulting at least 3 different horoscopes on a daily basis and calling out astrologers like Liz Greene on a first-name basis.  Before long, she's delving into her compatibility with her husband, who's an Aries just like her, and pondering the likelihood that her Capricorn son could very well be the next Rosemarie's Baby. I assured her that her son would, at the very least, be the most stylish baby on the block and–even though moonit will not officially be up in January–she and the little one will be one of the first pairings we run through the calculator for long-term compatibility!