when in rome
You know what they say, when in Rome… do as the Romans do. And what is that, exactly? A closer look at Italian men reveals they are born loving a number of things: soccer, carbohydrates, ironed jeans, speedos and… women. They are raised learning to respect and worship the beauty of women of all shapes and sizes, but obviously gravitate toward the most attractive and youngest women around (like any man with a pulse is apt to do).
It is not uncommon for business men in major metropolitan areas like Rome and Milan to stop their Vespas dead in their tracks on the way to work, during the ten coffees and cigarette breaks they take or on their massive lunch breaks to pursue random women walking around on the street trying desperately to actually get somewhere. It's a sheer miracle anything ever gets done in these places. In that respect, Prime Minister Silvio Belusconi is a true ambassador of the Italian people.
silvio berlusconi: masked perv
Not because of his three-term PM position, ownership of soccer team AC Milan or his political prowess, but because of his wandering eye. He has had a number of dalliances and overtures that make the press in Italy, not the least of which being his adoration of vedetta or "startlet" (read: topless model and showgirl) turned politician Mara Carfagna who Berlusconi appointed as Minister of Equal Opportunities. At a 2007 awards dinner, he was quoted as telling her "If I wasn't already married, I would marry you right away…with you, I'd go anywhere," prompting his second wife Veronica to demand a formal apology be printed in La Repubblica.
It is not only common but actually encouraged in Italian society for married men like Berlusconi to have mistresses-those rare men who opt out of pursuing extramarital affairs (or are too unfortunate to attract a mistress) can even feel inadequate at times. But attempts are generally made to conduct these activities with the utmost discretion, and that's what has upset Veronica to the point of filing for divorce. The straw that broke the camel's back was his attendance at an 18 year-old's birthday bash (ahh barely legal), ironic only because he never attended his own children's 18th birthdays.
Applying Astrolabe's synastry analysis to their relationship, we find that Silvio (b 29 Sept 1936) and Veronica Lario (b 19 July 1956) were attracted to each other from the moment that they first met and enjoy a whirlwind romance where sparks certainly fly. But as that romance wears off, their relationship becomes quite tumultuous, falling victim to emotional tensions that arise through misunderstandings and insecurities… This analysis is actually corroborated by Berlusconi's own claims of "love at first sight" when seeing low-budg actress Veronica perform back in 1980 (he got a divorce from his first wife in 1985 so you do the math there).
You don't need to dig in too deep to uncover what the problem is with Silvio and Veronica, and many relationships in Italy. It's that these Italian men can experience love at first sight a number of times during the course of their lives… even during the course of their mornings… and what is stopping them from acting on these impulses rather than working to cultivate the love for the women to whom they are actually legally wed? Certainly not social mores!
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Okay, this has only a remote connection to Rome, but possibly some connection to both men and women, wherever they are located…
Do You Cheat? Let's Count the Ways!
Sexual infidelity is the headline grabber when most people think about betrayals in love relationships. But there are everyday breaches of trust that slide under the radar and can erode even the strongest of relationships. A small lie about a purchase, a slight exaggeration about a job promotion, a cover-up about a forgotten birthday.
Each takes a bite out of trust and is a form of cheating. Most of us are disappointed by a love partner as a result of an everyday event far more often than we are made angry or jealous by a serious and dramatic betrayal.
Deceptive Deceptions:
For example, Jeff maintains his friendship with Glen, an old army buddy, in utter secrecy. His wife, Dorothy, has always disliked Glen and has asked Jeff not to see him. Jeff has agreed but is undeterred. “I find a way” he says. “All Dorothy knows is that I’m working late, running an errand or something. We go for a drink, hang out together, that sort of thing. If I told Dorothy, she would raise the roof, so why aggravate her?”
What else does Jeff hide to avoid confrontation with Dorothy? And what if Dorothy were to discover Jeff’s deception?
Kevin and Janice, who have lived together for the past few years, are on the verge of splitting because Janice contends that Kevin "never lives up to his word." Here's what Janice had to say about some troubling events
“I can't believe anything he tells me anymore. I ask him if he's taken care of the rent for this month and he assures me that he has. The next thing I know, the landlord is calling me and asking me about the rent. Or I ask him to do me a favor. He agrees and then doesn’t come through.”
Kevin’s choice of conveniently “yessing” Janice serves to help him avoid confrontation at the expense of his credibility. Janice justifiably feels cheated as a result of Kevin’s lies.
The Many Faces of Cheating
And what about the love partner who smokes? It’s not only about second-hand smoke being a health hazard. One day the smoker is going to get sick. The non-smoking partner will be severely impacted both emotionally and practically. Is the smoker cheating?
When we make a love commitment we become a team, and implicitly, it is also a vow to continue to grow and evolve as individuals. What about the love partner who is not becoming all he or she can?
Is the love partner who is letting his or her appearance deteriorate cheating?
What about the partner who is critical, rather than supportive, in hard and not so hard times? And the partner who is slacking in his or her career? Or the partner who doesn’t comply with medical prescriptions and health-care suggestions?
All of these breaches will impact the relationship. It’s not just about an individual letting him or herself down; in a love relationship it’s also cheating the partner.
Subtle Cheating
Trust is the bedrock of any love relationship. It is the bloodline of romantic passion. “Subtle cheating” is like psychological termites. Each small bite may go unnoticed, but eventually the foundation will weaken.
Addressing these forms of cheating is win-win. It betters each individual and contributes to relationships being more open, uninhibited and passionate.
Ahh so true… I had a boyfriend in Rome who I loved passionately, and we had discussions often about love and destiny. One of the first things he commented on when we first met was the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend. He was flabbergasted – "You're beautiful, you're young, why not?" I said I didn't because the right guy hadn't come along. I saw no point being in a meaningless relationship. That's when I learned how different it is in Italy – that love comes in as many flavours as gelato, and you can fall in and out of it as frequently as the sun rises and sets.
I fell into that while I was there… "When in Rome", indeed (I was in Rome!) It was one of those love at first sight relationships with him, and in the end, it's not enough. It's beautiful and romantic and breathtaking, but doesn't last… fun and adventurous, it made both of us feel so alive. But I learned a hard lesson… from something that glows so brightly it blinds you from everything else, but burns out quickly and leaves you in a pit of darkness you couldn't have imagined.
I think it takes longer for Italian men to settle down, but when they do, they are committed. I just haven't found one yet who's matured enough to reach that point where he's gotten over his selfishness, and understands that long term, deeper love is so much more fulfilling.